When you stop trying to change others
and work on changing yourself,
your world changes for the better.
-Unknown
There is a saying that goes, “You can choose your friends, but not your family.” This time of year it is important that you try to make your family your, “friends,” so that it can be,” The most wonderful time of the year!” Today I want to talk about the power you have to be the change how you view others. I also want to discuss how the power and control you may impose in others, causes conflict and hurt in ourselves and others and why it’s important that we let this go!
As you may know we celebrated Thanksgiving last Thursday in the United States. I adore being with my family now, but many years back this time of year was very stressful for me. I had a tough time dealing with drama, I wanted to be the fixer of every ones problems. I thought I knew what was best for everyone! I made suggestions where I was not asked to give one. I was critical of some of some of my family member’s lives, because I felt I knew what was best for them. Fortunately, I came to my senses and discovered that change is within and I could not impose change of anybody but myself. Thanks to this epiphany I can now enjoy this wonderful time of the year, despite the drama that is part of having a family!
When you find yourself with people you wish you could change here are three suggestions for you, so that you can find peace in your heart.
1. Realize that the only person you can change is yourself.
2. Accept the person for who they are and where they are.
3. Understand that everyone has a journey to take.
Realize that the only person you can change is yourself.
Yes! It’s the cliché! But it is true. We can’t change anybody that is not seeking that change. As a Personal Development Coach I understand this one hundred percent. I have neglected to work with people in the element of change, when I see that they are not fully committed to truly changing. I can’t make anybody change who is not ready for change. What makes you think you can impose change by nagging or complaining? Change starts with YOU! If you don’t approve of someone’s behavior or life you have the power to not be part of their lives. During the holiday’s you can be kind and respectful around them, but limit your interactions if they don’t contribute to your well-being. You may not have power over their world, but you definitely can change and control your world
Accept the person for who they are and where they are.
Wanting to change someone is about power and control. Accept that every person is where they need to be. Accept that your priorities may not match theirs, and let go of that control! Don’t forget that you can never change anybody from an outsider view because change happens within. For some of us life is harder than it should be because we have not learned the lesson. They have made choices in their lives that should teach them something, but the teacher will appear when the student is ready to learn. So, understand that those people that are in your life that you wish to change will eventually get there. If they have not learned the lesson they will have to repeat it in due time. As an outsider all you can do is offer your support and give your suggestions if they are asking for them. Always wish them well and never judge who they are or where they are!
Wanting to change someone is about power and control. Accept that every person is where they need to be. Accept that your priorities may not match theirs, and let go of that control! Don’t forget that you can never change anybody from an outsider view because change happens within. For some of us life is harder than it should be because we have not learned the lesson. They have made choices in their lives that should teach them something, but the teacher will appear when the student is ready to learn. So, understand that those people that are in your life that you wish to change will eventually get there. If they have not learned the lesson they will have to repeat it in due time. As an outsider all you can do is offer your support and give your suggestions if they are asking for them. Always wish them well and never judge who they are or where they are!
Understand that everyone has a journey to take.
It is imperative to understand that we all have a journey to accomplish. For some of us that journey is less painful because we have remembered our spirit. Others have forgotten who they are, thus the struggles in our lives. When dealing with people who you want to change, realize that their journey is not yours. Realize, that life is not supposed to be easy but if you play it well it will be worth it. When you understand that their journey is different than yours, you won’t want to impose your views. As, a mother I understand that I have to educate my children to be loving, caring, respectful adults, but I have to understand that their journey will not be like mine. I have to hope for the best and let them stumble and fall. I know I will be there when they seek my help, but always remember that it’s their journey. See the journey in those loved ones you wish to change, and be there when they seek for you!
So what is it going to be? To seek control or to let it go? My wish for you this holiday season is for you to find peace and joy, and peace and joy starts with in. Be the change you want to see so that your world may change. Influence others by your actions. Understand that everyone has a journey show your love and support, but never impose your views on others. Until next Monday!
Believe. Change. Become,
Nancy Salmeron