“There are things we see clearly and there are things that our mind
distorts due to our beliefs, fears, and moods.”
—Nancy Salmeron
As a life coach and someone who is intrigued by human behavior, I take every interaction that I have with others as an opportunity to learn and grow. I want to understand human emotions and what drives humans to react to other humans the way they do. My goal is to try to understand individuals by being present and inviting empathy in every interaction. A few weeks ago, I was at a family gathering where I rediscovered that frustration, confusion, and chaos are due to people’s perceptions. As a result of a family encounter, I realized that our concerns, beliefs, fears, and moods distort our perception of reality. This experience helped me to see clearly that we don’t see reality as it is but as who we are. And who we are is based on our beliefs, fears, and emotional states. Due to the distortion of our own lens and not being aware that what we perceive can be biased, we misinterpret what others are trying to tell us and create confusion, chaos, frustration, and dysfunction in our interactions. Being aware of your biases, fears, and perceptions can help you avoid frustration, chaos, and confusion when interacting with others. Today, let’s talk about how your perceptions are distorting your reality and what you can do about it.
Fear distorts reality.
Fear can distort the reality of a situation. For example, when you are arguing with a friend about not following through with something they said they would do, you are not only disappointed that they did not follow through with a promise, but you possibly fear that they do not care about you and you are not important to them. In this situation you may fight with your friend about their lack of follow-through when really you are feeling fearful that they don’t care enough about you. In this scenario, go deep within and see what your fear is. Your perception is that they lack commitment, but your true fear is that you are not valued. Explain this to your friend from a place of caring for yourself and empathy for them. Make your friend aware that not following through brings out fear and anxiety within you.
Your mood and emotional state affect your outcome.
As you are interpreting the behavior of others, check yourself out to see what kind of emotional state you are in. When you are in a negative mood you tend to expect more negative outcomes. If you are sad or disappointed about a past interaction with a friend or family member you will most likely project that onto your present moment. Be aware that your perceptions may be dependent on your mood. If you must give yourself time to find a joyful mood before you interact with a friend or family member, do that. Your social and emotional state can create either a positive or negative perception. Be mindful and aware of your emotional state and act accordingly.
Let go of grudges and being right.
When I argue with someone, my ego takes over and then I want to be right. It’s part of the human experience to feel that we must win arguments. We tend to win arguments by resorting to the past. We show how we were victimized in the past and can’t seem to let go of resentments. Instead of fighting to be right and holding on to the past, practice listening and developing empathy for the other person. Ask the question, “What did I do to make you do that?” Anytime that I observe an argument I realize that it takes two to tango and that people only give you back what you give them. If you practice listening more and let go of past resentments, you will discover how you contribute to situations. Those who seek to stop being victims and instead seek understanding will stop miscommunication and confusion in its tracks.
It is my belief that being aware of your perceptions and biases will relieve you from confusion, chaos, and misunderstandings with others. If you want to perceive reality correctly, be aware of your fears, moods, and emotional states. Let go of grudges and the need to be right. Also, be an attentive listener to grievances and discover how you contributed to the situation. Remember, your perception will become clearer when you decide to be a seeker of an unbiased reality. Until next time, Believe. Change. Become.
Sending many blessings and much love your way!
Nancy😊