“Being able to recognize and feel our emotions can lead to a more resilient life.”
—Nancy Salmeron
What is making you feel sad? What emotions or feelings have you not expressed to people who have hurt you? What do you wish you could tell those who have caused you pain or disappointment?
You can’t avoid anger, disappointment, sadness, or pain if you are alive. If you try to avoid, ignore, or distance yourself from these emotions, they intensify. Fear, anger, pain, or what some call “negative emotions” have a bad rap, but they are not necessarily bad. They may cause some inner discomfort, but when we listen to what they are trying to teach us they make us stronger and wiser. Therefore, I call them “growth emotions” instead of “negative emotions.” I know it’s difficult for us to be open about our growth emotions. I, too, have felt the heartache of not being honest about what I feel. I have held on to fear or pain because I have felt I was unworthy or that I would not be listened to or understood. I have kept my “growth emotions” hidden because I have felt unloved or unwanted. I have hidden my anger and pain because I lacked vulnerability or trust in others to share what was tormenting my heart. I know what holding your pain inside does to you physically and spiritually. I know the feeling of walking on eggshells to keep the peace with those who have hurt us. There are many other reasons why you may be hiding your emotions. You may feel that if you share your feelings you will be humiliated. You may think sharing your pain is cowardly or others will think you are foolish. But it’s more foolish to believe that you can succeed in life by keeping growth emotions hidden from others. You may keep your growth emotions hidden for a while, but fear, anger, and pain never truly disappear on their own. They reappear in other aspects of your life. If ignored, these emotions can transform themselves into depression, sadness, and anxiety. Here are some tips on how you can recognize and express your “negative” emotions so that they can become emotions of prosperity and growth.
Identify your emotions.
Identifying your “growth emotions” takes practice. Name your feeling. Are you angry, fearful, or sad? Why is this feeling showing up? For example, are you feeling jealous that your best friend is hanging out with a new friend? You don’t have to tell your friend that you feel jealous about her new relationship. The important thing is that you recognize your emotion. Ask yourself why you feel jealous about your friend’s relationship with someone else. It may be that you feel you will lose your friend. Figure out what you are truly afraid of. Accept your emotion as an understandable feeling. Yes, it’s okay for you to feel that you are losing your friend because she is not spending the same amount of time with you, but don’t blame her for what you are feeling. And don’t judge yourself for feeling jealous either. What you are feeling is normal.
Explore your emotions.
Don’t let your emotions consume you. There may be times when all you needed was to recognize or put a name to your feelings. Are you fearful or disappointed about what someone did? As you identify your feelings you may realize that it is a product of your imagination. Nothing really is happening. Your emotion is based on fear. If you feel it is necessary to clarify your emotions and you need to explore them with someone else, please do so. But be very mindful of who you become vulnerable with. Be sure you trust this person with whom you are sharing your pain.
Express your emotions.
Once you have processed what you are feeling, decide if you need to express your emotion. You may need to confront the person who has caused you pain or disappointment. If this is the case, set up a time to discuss the problem. When you set up a time to discuss issues you can focus on the problem one-hundred-percent. Use “I” when you are confronting the person who has hurt you. For example, if you are upset because you partner forgot that you had a date planned, don’t tell him or her that they are rude or disrespectful for forgetting the date. Instead tell them, “I feel that you don’t respect or care about my feelings when you forget that we had a date.” Tell them what feeling or emotion you felt and why.
Sending many blessings and much love your way!
Nancy😊