“Your assumptions may be hindering the truth of the world around you.
Take those blinders off and discover the truth.”
-Nancy Salmeron
We had a couple’s night out last weekend with new friends. We went out to dinner and then headed out to my home for drinks. I always love spending time with other couples because you bond and grow by sharing your past relationship stories. I am always amazed how much alike relationships are than different. Women for the most part have the same concerns about their husband. Their major concerns are that their husbands work too much and that they don’t dedicate much time to them. Men’s concern is that women are never happy. As I shared that in the past I had the same concern. One of the wives in the group mentioned that it was nice to hear that my relationship was not perfect.” Why do you assume that my relationship is perfect?” I asked. “It’s in the way you speak to your husband and the way he speaks to you. You appear to have a great deal of respect for each other.” She said. “We do, I told her, but we also have struggled in our relationship.” Apparently because I don’t like to publicly share my marital concerns she had assumed that my marriage was perfect! I was surprised that she thought that perfection in relationships existed. I assured her that my relationship was not perfect, that my husband Carlos and I are constant work in progress, but that we choose to devote much of our time and energy on what is working on our marriage. We are beyond perfect, but the real journey of our marriage is compromising, with each other’s desires, and supporting each other. That this does not mean we don’t fight or argue, it simply means that we have decided to be more empathetic to our needs. I expanded by telling her that it’s part of the human experience to assume that we know what is happening in other people’s marriages by what we see on the outside, but the truth of a marriage is always understood better by what happens in close doors. I concluded that I am proud of all the work that Carlos and I have done to persevere with our marriage, but perfection will never be something I will strive for because the lack of perfection is what has made our journey more interesting. Today I want to talk about how assumptions can be misguided and to stop assuming. how many of our assumptions are misguided when you are only focused on what you see and not what you feel. Here are also three tips on how to stop assuming.
Never assume you know.
It is part of our human nature to assume we know what other people feel or going through because of what we see on the outside. If someone is being disrespectful or rude we classify them as rude or disrespectful. We never stop to think that they may be going through some difficult times. That we caught them on a tough day! Sometimes you may think you know someone because of rumors you have heard. Ignore those rumors never assume you truly know how others are. Make up your own conclusions as you develop relationships with others and get to truly know them before you assume.
If you care to know, ask.
When in doubt and you truly care to understand someone, ask. If you see someone with a frown on their face when they show up to your party, before you assume it’s because of you, ask them what is wrong. Be aware of what is being said and see how you can make that person feel better by using encouraging words. Remember it’s never about you.
It’s never what you see, it’s about what you feel.
So, one of my super powers is that I am very in tune with people’s energy. I feel deeply. I feel when people are open and receptive to who I am, and when they are not. I can recognize and read body language, but I never come to conclusions about a person until they show me who they truly are. Feel the energy of the people that make you uncomfortable, ask for clarification if their energy or what they do is not clear. And if it feels wrong, don’t pursue that relationship. Trust your gut.
When you make assumptions on people or the way events should be you are doing them and yourself a great disservice. To assume you know someone from what you see on the outside is like buying a car without opening the hood or taking it for a test drive simply because it looks good on the outside. When you assume that you know how others are by the way they appear, you may lose the opportunity to make a new friend or discover new love. Only make the assumptions of others when you have given time to know them. To learn about them. Develop conclusions of others only when you have clarified concerns by asking them questions. But never discard your gut feeling. If something feels off, or wrong it’s ok to not pursue a relationship or friendship. Until next time Believe. Change. Become.
Sending blessing and love your way!
Nancy😊