“Painful events come to teach you something about yourself.
They do not come to stay forever.”
—Nancy Salmeron
If you are breathing, you have experienced some loss, tragedy, or painful event. Pain is defined as mental, physical, or emotional suffering. As human beings, we seek to avoid pain at all cost, because we see pain as a negative experience, and understandably so. Unfortunately, pain is part of the life experience, and we must learn how to embrace it, whether we like it or not. Fortunately, pain comes bearing a gift. When you overcome pain and choose to learn from it, pain can make you wiser and stronger. You don’t believe me? Recall a painful moment in your life that brought you to your knees—an event that you thought would kill you. I have experienced a few that made me wonder if I should continue with life. These events were the end of my first marriage and the loss of family members. They made me wonder about my existence due to the pain I felt in my whole body and heart. I felt like a zombie; I didn’t want to get up in the morning. I felt life had no meaning or purpose. I wondered if I would ever feel joy again. The good news is that I was able to deal with my pain and learn from it, and here I am. Pain left some scars, but it also showed me something beautiful about the strength of my soul. Pain has showed me that nothing is forever. Heartbreak and disappointment show you doors to a new you. Today, I want to share three tips with you on how to handle pain, but most importantly, how to learn from it.
Feel the pain until it stops hurting.
Anytime that we encounter a painful event, our first instinct is to run away from it. But we must quickly remind ourselves that the sooner we immerse ourselves in the pain and welcome it, the sooner we will heal. Feel the pain. Let it sit for as long as you need. Accept it like that annoying relative who you know you can’t change. Humor it. Listen to its complaints and within time you will see the pain dissolve.
Uncover the blessing in your pain. Discover your new path.
Take pride in finding the blessing in every negative experience in your life. My optimistic view of life lets me believe that the bad events that happen in our lives are gateways to the most beautiful gifts that come into our lives. The painful ending of my first marriage opened the way for the gift of a beautiful man, whom I adore, and am now married to. The pain that I endured to get to where I am now was well worth it. It was a blessing in disguise, or, perhaps, the blessing that I sought to find. With the choice to end my first marriage, I discovered a new path.
Without pain, you would never value true joy.
“No pain, no gain,” is a common sentiment. Would we know joy if we never felt pain? Life is made up of polarities. You can’t have white, if you don’t have black. You would not know night, if you did not know day. Pain and joy are the yin and the yang—the opposites. Pain shows up in our lives to remind us to value the present moment and to be grateful for ordinary days. Joy, true joy, is found in the simplest things in life. Joy is waking up healthy to feed your kids breakfast. When the carpet is pulled from beneath us by a painful event, we desire and appreciate the ordinary. Joy is found in ordinary moments.
Pain is feared and avoided at all cost because it is not pleasant, yet you can learn a great deal from it. I am not suggesting that you go out and seek pain, but I am suggesting that you welcome it when it shows up because it is part of the life experience. Embrace pain and choose to learn from it. Then you will discover that pain triggers an evolution of your soul. Pain makes you stronger and wiser if you decide to let pain be your teacher. Pain will help you appreciate joy. Be grateful for that. Until next time, Believe. Change. Become.