“We will discover a new normal, and those who welcome, implement, and adapt to change will thrive.” —Nancy Salmeron
Mourning the death of a loved one is one of the most difficult things you will ever do. Mourning the death of a loved one due to the coronavirus is even more challenging. Fortunately, none of my family or friends have been infected with the coronavirus, and for this I am grateful. Yet a few days ago a realization finally hit me. I realized that the painful feeling in my heart and the empty and hollow sensation in the pit of my stomach were grief. Even if I have been very lucky that this virus has not taken the life of anyone close to me, I am still experiencing the feeling of loss. You may also be experiencing the feeling of loss and not be aware that you are grieving. Last week I wrote about the importance of being aware of your emotions. Grief is an emotion that you may be experiencing right now, even if a loved one has not died.
What is grief? Grief is a natural response to loss. It can be the loss of a loved one, loss of a job, loss of financial stability, or loss of a relationship. Grief is the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. During the COVID-19 pandemic, I would expect that you would be grieving for the loss of the life you once had. I count my blessings every day because I have healthy family and friends, but I am grieving my financial stability. You may be experiencing all kinds of difficult and unexpected emotions, ranging from shock or anger to disbelief, guilt, and profound sadness. Please understand it is normal and quite healthy to feel these emotions. Yet grieving for the loss of someone or something you love is one of life’s biggest challenges. Today, I want to talk to you about the stages of grief and how they impact our lives during this already challenging time. It is my hope that you are patient with yourself and patient with others during this difficult time. Here is information on the five stages of grief.
Denial—This can’t be happening.
Have you been in disbelief about the world events that have transpired due to this universal pandemic? Have you felt shocked and confused as if someone had pulled a prank? During the denial phase you try to make sense of what is happening but can’t. Not in your wildest dreams did you ever see yourself quarantined or see people fighting at a grocery store over toilet paper. You might wonder if you are crazy, or you may feel numb as a way of self-protection.
Fear—Why is this happening and who do I blame?
During this phase you ask questions. You are afraid of how you and your loved ones will be affected. Will you get the coronavirus? Will you lose your job? You need a scapegoat, someone to blame for the madness that you are living. You might blame other countries for the coronavirus or you might blame the government. However, you have probably noticed that blaming others does not help. Feeling your fear is an important part of this stage of grief.
Bargaining—Take this away and I will be a better human being.
I have seen the posts where people promise how they will be a better person when things go back to normal. They promise they will value their loved ones more and live a better life. During the bargaining phase, you will do whatever it takes so that you will not lose what you once had. You beg, you plead that your life will not change for the worse. You will do or think anything so you do not feel the pain, the loss, and or the change.
Depression— I am sad because I believe this pandemic will never end.
During the Covid-19 pandemic, many people are staying in place at home and not physically engaging with other people. This makes the depression phase more challenging than it might be when you can share your grief in person with others. During this phase you experience mourning for the first time. You realize that you have suffered a loss. For many during this time, they are mourning the loss of a loved one. For others, they are mourning the loss of a life that they once knew. Be gentle with yourself and reach out to others by phone, text, or whatever works for you.
Acceptance—I am at peace with what is happening.
Eventually, you begin to get a glimpse of a new life, a new normal. You are saddened by your loss, but you are moving onto acceptance. Acceptance does not mean that you no longer feel the pain of loss. The scar of the loss is always left. However, we are no longer wishing for things to be different. Acceptance in this coronavirus era means to be hopeful about the future and to embrace what is. You begin to find the blessings that this time has brought into your life.
During these strange times we are all experiencing some form of grief. These phases of grief are universal and are part of human experience. Yet, coping with loss is a deep and personal experience. As I mentioned in last week’s blog, your emotions exist for you to acknowledge them, so you can embrace the pain, learn from it, and grow. This world pandemic can cause you to feel paralyzed and grieving for a past life that no longer exists. You must understand we will never go back to normal. We will discover a new normal, and those who welcome, implement, and adapt to change will thrive. Those who fight change and can’t assimilate to new life experiences will suffer. Ultimately, the goal is for you to pass through the stages of grief at your own pace and to grow from these life-altering experiences. Understand that you may experience these stages in a different order than listed, or you may circle back and experience some of them more than once. Also, seek professional help if you are overwhelmed and feel that you can’t endure the grieving process. Be hopeful. Believe that you shall overcome this world crisis, and that you will discover how resilient and strong you are. Until next time, Believe. Change. Become.