—Nancy Salmeron
I used to avoid inauthentic people like the plague. I believed that inauthentic individuals were phony or false. I felt that people who lacked authenticity could not be trusted. Today, I know that lack of authenticity exists in all of us. According to Wikipedia, authenticity is defined as “the degree to which an individual’s actions are congruent with their beliefs and desires, despite external pressures.” Authenticity has the ability to push you in the direction of your dreams and desires. Authenticity in oneself makes others comfortable around you because they know that you don’t have a hidden agenda and you live in the present moment. In an uncertain world, it is reassuring to know what to expect from someone. An authentic individual provides that for others.
We all seek authenticity. Yet, because we all desire to be accepted and liked, many of us conform to the world and others. I believe that all persons, including myself, have lacked authenticity at times. We lack authenticity when we don’t believe in or trust ourselves and are overly influenced by others. We lack authenticity when we settle for a life that is not of our creation and follow the crowd instead. We lack authenticity when we let fear control our lives. We lack authenticity when we don’t believe in ourselves or our dreams. We lack authenticity when we don’t pursue our purpose, which sets our souls on fire. So, in a nutshell, if you do not believe in yourself or your dreams, you are being inauthentic. Being authentic matters because authentic people do not follow the pack. Instead, they become brave enough to become the leader of the pack.
How do you become more authentic in your relationships and in life? Here are some tips on how to live your life with authenticity and purpose.
Remember who you are and identify your values.
To be truly authentic you must remember who you are. Be aware of your strengths and weaknesses. Identify what values are important to you and why. When we are growing up, our parents instill their values in us. It is okay to look at those values and ask yourself if they are important to you and, if so, why or why not. For example, as I was growing up my parents instilled the value of respect in their children. I see respect as a value that families practice as a form of maintaining control over their children. With my own children, I don’t hold respect as a value that is important to instill in them. My reason is because growing up I saw the demand for respect as a way my parents instilled fear and discipline. With my children, I try to instill the values of empathy and responsibility. Your values should be important to you.
Let go of caring about what others think of you.
To be authentic you must be brave enough to not care what others say about or think of you. When you stop caring about or seeking other people’s approval, you will be set free to be who you truly are. You will not be afraid of becoming who you want to be. You won’t desire to be anybody else but you. Not caring or even thinking about what other people believe about you is a true sign of authenticity. Uncover who you are by not minding what others think of you.
Embrace all of yourself, even the parts you don’t like.
Knowing that perfection is a myth and not desiring to be perfect are other signs of true authenticity. When you are authentic, you don’t take yourself too seriously. You welcome your humanity, including your imperfections, and learn and grow from all of your stumbles and mistakes. The trick here is to love every part of yourself and to know that the imperfect parts help to make you complete and amazing. Yes, seek to peel away things or beliefs that hold you back, but be patient with yourself by loving every part of you.
Learn to be and stay in the present moment.
Authentic people have no agendas and people who surround them know that and love them for it. Authentic people live in the here and now. Yes, they have dreams and goals, but they are not immersed in a cloud of the future getting ahead of themselves. They accept where they are and don’t look back at the past. To be truly authentic, savor every moment by staying present. Don’t seek to impress others. Simply be. When you learn to simply be, you learn to follow your instincts and connect to the true you.
To be authentic is to be honest about your desires and your beliefs with yourself and others. I believe it is your birthright to be seen for who you truly are. I also understand that society and its social roles can limit access to authenticity. Yet, it is up to us to remember who we truly are. Look at your beliefs and your values to remind yourself of your true essence. Yes, it will take courage to remember and live authentically, but doing so will set you free. Don’t settle on being part of the pack. Become the leader of the pack by embracing your true essence—the true you. Until next time, Believe. Change. Become.