“As you forgive others, you discover that forgiving was never for them, but for yourself.
Forgiveness is about letting go of the past and embracing your inner peace.”
—Nancy Salmeron
It has been a while since I felt the need to forgive someone. Yet, forgiveness has been on my mind for a few weeks now. What is forgiveness? Forgiveness is the ability or willingness to let go of negative emotions you may have toward someone who hurt you physically or emotionally. It is letting go of the past and embracing the now. As I look back at some of the people I have forgiven, I remember feeling that if I forgave them, I would be accepting that what they had done was okay. Also, I felt that if I forgave them, they would have to be part of my life again, and I did not want that. I remember feeling that holding a grudge would somehow transmit my pain to the people who hurt me, so I kept the grudge. Today, I realize that people disappointing and hurting you is part of our experience in this world. Forgiveness is a tricky thing to fully grasp because we fear it will undermine the strength of who we are. As I become more experienced with the game of life, I have concluded that resentment and forgiveness play together in the evolution of our soul. I also understand that true forgiveness is not something you do for others, but something you do for yourself. When you fully understand forgiveness, you give yourself the permission to say, “I am no longer a prisoner of that hurtful experience.” Today, let’s talk about how to forgive others so you can free yourself from the past.
Forgiveness does not mean that what happened is okay.
When I used to hold grudges, I had this idea that if I forgave someone it meant that I was okay with what they had done to me. Today, I realize that forgiveness does not mean that I believe that it was okay that someone brought me pain or disappointment. Self-love reminds me that I am worthy of being treated with kindness and respect. When I forgive, I accept that someone hurt me, but I do not accept that it was okay.
To forgive does not mean the person who hurt you must be back in your life.
When you forgive someone, it does not mean that you need to invite them back into your life. Sometimes the bridge was burnt to the point that there is no way back. Maybe you lost trust in that person. Maybe you have outgrown them. Whatever the reason is, it is valid. Be okay with the idea that you can forgive someone and not need or desire for that person to be back in your life. Bless them and send them off.
When you forgive others, you also must forgive yourself.
As you forgive others, you must not forget to forgive yourself. This was one of the hardest things for me to do. I would blame myself for having stayed in a toxic relationship for the time that I had. I would be angry with myself and think that with my life experience and background, “I should have known better.” Forgive yourself, and think about the lesson and the blessing that the negative experience brought into your life.
“As you forgive others, you discover that forgiving was never for them, but for yourself. Forgiveness is about letting go of the past and embracing your inner peace.”
When people disappoint or hurt you, there is always a lesson to be learned. It could be a lesson about them or about you. Reflect on what you can learn and welcome the experience as something that will help you grow. Forgiveness will liberate you from the past. It does not mean that you must have the person who hurt you back in your life. To forgive is courageous and connects you to your essence of true love. When you honestly forgive, you will not only acquire a sense of peace and joy, but you will also be grateful for the experience that brought you there. Forgive others because you love who you are. You are not letting others hold you hostage to the past and take away your peace. Until next time, Believe. Change. Become.