“Love yourself by giving yourself permission to set expectations based on what is best for you.”

—Nancy Salmeron

Being kind, having compassion for yourself, and setting boundaries adds to self-love. Setting boundaries helps with one’s self-identity and it will help you reduce stress, anxiety, and depression. What does it mean to set boundaries? A boundary is a limit or space between you and another person. The purpose of setting healthy boundaries is to protect yourself from individuals who can drain your emotional energy and take away your peace. Having healthy boundaries with individuals helps them be clear on what you hold them responsible for. The most common boundaries are psychological or emotional, but boundaries can also be physical. Having boundaries means you are aware of your emotions. When you share with the people in your life what you expect from them, you are setting boundaries. To set boundaries does not mean that you are aggressive; it implies a sense of honesty, which contributes to effective communication. Healthy boundaries contribute to self-love because identifying what you need from others is a sign of a good sense of self. People who do not set boundaries deal with stress, anxiety, and relationship issues. When I look back at my young self, I was not able to set boundaries because I felt a need to please. As I have matured and life has taught me a few lessons, now I can say I have developed the courage to say “no” and not feel guilty. This has contributed to my self-love. How do you set boundaries? Here are some tips on how to set boundaries so you have better relationships with yourself and others.

Make self-love a priority.

It is not selfish to put yourself first. You need to give yourself permission to recognize that you matter before anybody else. This is often considered egotistical or narcissistic yet, if you do not take care of yourself, you cannot possibly give the best of yourself to others. Unhealthy boundaries are often characterized by a weak sense of your own identity. Setting boundaries means you have the confidence to stand up for yourself while still respecting the rights of others.

Be clear and assertive.

Communication is key when you are setting boundaries. Do not expect people to read your mind. Be clear about what you want, express your needs, and share the things that bother you. Be mindful of your body language and the way you are requesting something. Look confident when making the request or stating a preference. Stand up straight, lean in, smile, keep a natural expression, and look the person in the eye. Be okay with saying no.

Know when it is time to move on.

When setting boundaries, you need to understand that some people will not respect your boundaries and will try to push you to your limits. You can only share how you wish to be treated; you cannot be responsible for how others react. You have the right to request to be heard and to be treated with kindness and respect. If someone in your circle is not responsive or is violating your wishes, a time may come when you need to end the relationship.

Setting boundaries helps with one’s identity and it will help you reduce stress, anxiety, and depression and contribute to self-love. In setting boundaries, it is important that you give yourself permission to do what is best for you. You need to be clear about your emotions, feelings, and needs so you can better address the boundaries you want to set. You need to teach others how to treat you. Love yourself by giving yourself permission to set expectations based on what is best for you. As author, Brené Brown, put it so well, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” Until next time, Believe. Change. Become.